Wu gets a dose

This is a quick story. One day Conyang Wu (just call him Wu, although its fun to try and say CONG-YANG) was picking up an RSS tool. An RSS is a tool with a minitron in it – which is a device that is highly radioactive when turned on. It stays “hot” for a long time after use, so it still emits neutrons even up to 24 hours after it is turned off. It is safe so long as you stay at least a few feet away when its cooling down (Radiation safety is all about time, distance, and shielding!). But Wu, who was being absent minded as usual, picked up the RSS with his right hand directly on the minitron… I yelled at him to put it down, but he told me the tool was cool and it wasn’t a problem… After a quick argument, he put it down and we agreed to get the Geiger counter to check. Sure enough, that minitron was still plenty hot and the Geiger needle shot to the top of the scale. Wu thought for a second, looked at his right hand, then said: “I guess I’ll just use my other hand to pee for the next few days…” Problem solved.

“Bob”, the mentally challenged engineer

I’m going to be nice and call this guy “Bob” so as not to hurt his feelings. If he sees this blog and recognizes the stories, he will be too stupid to recognize that I’m talking about him. Alternately, if he does recognize the stories are about him, he’ll get confused and think his name is actually Bob, at which point a lengthy search for his birth certificate will ensue. Either way, I’m in the clear.

Whatever college it is in Florida that gave this guy a degree in engineering should be bulldozed to the ground and replaced with a higher quality institution - such as a crack house. Whoever hired this guy should be fired immediately and banned from ever making a decision for the next 12 months so he can think about his actions.

After failing every test we took and taking way longer than anyone else in the class to “accomplish” any task, Bob was fired for poor performance. And even more amazing than his lack of engineering skills is his lack of common sense. Bob actually called the man who fired him and asks if he could use him as a reference for his next job interview… THAT’S going to go over well…

Interviewer: Hi, tell me a little something about “Bob”
Matt: Well…. We fired “Bob” for poor performance and basic douche-baggery. Also, he once asked what the area code was for 911 (and I’m not making that up).
Interviewer: Great. Thanks.
...
Bob: So did I get the job??

But there is a happy ending to this story. Bob has found another job, and we’re all happy for him. He is now the lead design engineer at Boeing in charge of securing the wings to the fuselage.

Happy flying!

World Future Energy Summit 08

I would like to inform you that the summit in Abu Dhabi to discuss the future of power generation for the human race, which if improperly conducted could lead to the end of human civilization... started nearly an hour late.

Why?
Because the host of the event, the crowned prince of Abu Dhabi, didn't bother arriving until 5 minutes after the opening ceremony was supposed to begin, and then proceeded to tour the facility for 45 minutes. Apparently King Inconsiderate didn't care that there were over a thousand people waiting for him.

I was annoyed after the first 20 minutes of waiting, because (silly me) I expected this important summit to actually start on time! I even arrived an hour early to get a good seat! As he finally approached the theater they actually announced that the "V.V.I.P." had arrived... I'm sorry, but if you need an extra V then the last 3 letters stand for "Very Insecure Person". When he finally came in the auditorium, the crowd jumped to their feet and stood in absolute (and awkward) silence:

That is not muted, you have to turn the volume up to hear anything. You can tell the guy who was coughing next to me was trying to muffle it. I actually thought we were going to clap when the crowned Prince arrived, what a fool I was.

Finally - Let the games begin! The opening speech was nothing less than a holographic Prince Charles.

The video is just the ending of his speech. Even though I thought it was a great speech, I found a tech website the next day with an article titled "Prince Charles delivers speech as hologram, still manages to bore."

His speech was followed by his brother the Duke of York, the President of Iceland, the President of Djibouti, and some other great speakers I've never heard of.

President of Djibouti

Duke of York

The depressing news is that the overall theme of the conference was that humans are undoubtedly changing the composition of our atmosphere and threating the capacity of the environment to support human life. We're not necessarily threating the Earth, because it will purge us and then fix itself over millions of years, but the human race is currently on a path toward destroying ourselves. As we all know by now the problem is climate change, and the source is emissions from power production. Unless we change our methods of power generation and stop the harmful gases we release into our atmosphere in the next 10-15 years we may permanently destroy our fragile planets ability to support our lives.

I left the conference depressed and a little angry. And yet, when I saw this car later on in the parking lot all my worries went away. The driver saw me taking a picture of it, got out and told me to hop in. Nice dude!

I should mention that this thing has a V-12 engine capable of sucking down a gallon of gasoline in only a few short minutes. I know this is just another sign our self-inflicted apocalypse, but when it looks this cool its hard to care.

I should also mention that even though I'm joking about all this I really do take it very seriously and am very, very concerned about our futures... And as soon as a renewable energy company pulls their heads out of their asses and hires me, I'll start helping fix the problem.

Arabian Night (clubs)

For an Islamic nation, the night life is surprisingly westernised. I brought my camera out on the dance floor in one of the clubs on Thursday night. Please accept my apologies in advance for the chaotic filming. Its very hard to hold a camera steady while dancing to techno music. Its difficult to tell whats going on because there is barely enough light to see anything... But, hey, at least the song is pretty cool.

Warning: may cause seizures!

The girl wearing the “I am a rock star” shirt is Nayana. She's from Lebanon, and the guy standing next to me is Eihab from Sudan. And I am, of course, the goober from America at the end of the video when it stops.

We were leaving about 15 minutes before the club closed and there were some local Arab girls coming in, covered in black from head to toe, as is the custom. They looked around suspiciously, and then proceeded to take off their local clothing to reveal the (for lack of a better word) skanky dresses they were wearing underneath. It was obvious they wanted absolutely no one to know they were there due to their extremely late arrival and suspicious attitude. I just found it interesting because I had such a strong impression that all the local girls were very conservative. Now I don't know what to think!

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I met an Australian architect one day while walking down the street. He was in a taxi from Dubai, and they were lost and looking for the Marina. Since I was walking that way anyway they gave me a ride in exchange for directions. His friend was in the UAE wooden boat racing championship that was going on that day so I went to check it out with them. (And now I have access to the construction site of one of the biggest developments in Dubai! You gotta love being in the right place at the right time...)

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Lastly, we spent New Years on the gulf. My friend from work invited me to the party boat they had. Its basically a barge with 2 bars and dance floor. Very fun. I just chopped together some of the video from that night real quickly to give an overall impression of what it was like.

American Oddity

Imagine you are sitting in Washington Square, or any mall in America, and these guys walked by:

You would most likely do a double take or at least give them a curious glance. Now flip the situation around, where everyone is dressed like that, and insert this guy:

(I may have over exaggerated my shirt a little) Most people on the street give me a second look or stare like I'm the first white boy they've ever seen. It's not a negative thing, they're not glaring, they are usually looking at me as if I might be lost or something. Like, imagine if Bill Gates and 2-Pac were walking through Harlem together, don't you think Bill would stand out just a little bit more?

A frequent thing that I am getting used to is people coming up and asking to take pictures with me. No, I'm actually not making this up! There must be some local celebrity that looks like me?? After the first few 2 times I started to make them take a picture with my camera too.

These two guys were from Bangladesh

He's from Syria (not good for my Department of Homeland Security record)

The following video is entirely real. I was not in "cahoots" (is that how you spell it?) with this man at all. While on the plane from Doha to Abu Dhabi, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the guy next to me was staring at my book since take off. Not just a glance, but completely focused on what I was reading. So I pulled out my camera and video taped him...

I kept it short, but that video could have lasted well over an hour...

Abu Dhabi Intro

The Emirates Palace at sunset

Green Minarets are 'in' this year
The rest of the pictures are here:

http://purdue.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2304001&l=75ba2&id=13704958

Enough with the apples!!

I almost forgot to share this random story from Kuala Lumpur.

I can tell you first hand that Malaysians go the extra mile to make sure you get what you want. The introduction to this little story begins in the mall below the Petronas Towers (can you tell I’m slightly obsessed with that place). There is a huge selection of restaurants with everything you can possibly think of on the menu. It is a great place to try different foods from all parts of the world.

I was eating at one of the restaurant (Ok, it was a Pizza Hut - big whoop, leave me alone. I wanted Pizza, alright!), and I ordered some garlic bread as an appetizer. Within a few minutes, one of the 10+ waiters they had on staff brought me my bread. I start eating and before I finished the first piece I look up and there is another waiter at my table with a plate of garlic bread.

“Thank you, but I already got it” I told him. I continue eating, and about one minute later there is yet another waiter at my table with a plate of garlic bread.

“Already got it,” I tell him too. As he is leaving I noticed another waiter in the back of the restaurant with a plate of garlic bread in his hands. I kept my eye on him, because I knew exactly where he was going. Sure enough, he walked right past the waiter I just sent off and came straight for my table.

I gave up at that point and just took the damn bread. I wanted to ask him what took so long.

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That story was a prerequisite for this story. Actually, this whole thing is just an excuse for me to photoshop a picture.

The second day in the hotel I came back to my room and had a plate of apples waiting in my room. I thought it was nice, but wasn’t hungry so I just left them there.

On the following day I came to the room to find not only the same plate I left from the previous day but another plate as well. This is when I started to wonder what the hell is going on in these peoples heads -- if I didn’t want the first 3 apples, why would I want these?

It is now the fourth day when I return to my room to find this:

I wasn’t even surprised anymore. But come on, people!!

This is what I can only assume happens when you stay in Malaysia for 2 weeks.

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One more thing from Malaysia. Directions can be misleading and confusing.

For example: