Sunday, June 15, 2008

Wu gets a dose

This is a quick story. One day Conyang Wu (just call him Wu, although its fun to try and say CONG-YANG) was picking up an RSS tool. An RSS is a tool with a minitron in it – which is a device that is highly radioactive when turned on. It stays “hot” for a long time after use, so it still emits neutrons even up to 24 hours after it is turned off. It is safe so long as you stay at least a few feet away when its cooling down (Radiation safety is all about time, distance, and shielding!). But Wu, who was being absent minded as usual, picked up the RSS with his right hand directly on the minitron… I yelled at him to put it down, but he told me the tool was cool and it wasn’t a problem… After a quick argument, he put it down and we agreed to get the Geiger counter to check. Sure enough, that minitron was still plenty hot and the Geiger needle shot to the top of the scale. Wu thought for a second, looked at his right hand, then said: “I guess I’ll just use my other hand to pee for the next few days…” Problem solved.

“Bob”, the mentally challenged engineer

I’m going to be nice and call this guy “Bob” so as not to hurt his feelings. If he sees this blog and recognizes the stories, he will be too stupid to recognize that I’m talking about him. Alternately, if he does recognize the stories are about him, he’ll get confused and think his name is actually Bob, at which point a lengthy search for his birth certificate will ensue. Either way, I’m in the clear.

Whatever college it is in Florida that gave this guy a degree in engineering should be bulldozed to the ground and replaced with a higher quality institution - such as a crack house. Whoever hired this guy should be fired immediately and banned from ever making a decision for the next 12 months so he can think about his actions.

After failing every test we took and taking way longer than anyone else in the class to “accomplish” any task, Bob was fired for poor performance. And even more amazing than his lack of engineering skills is his lack of common sense. Bob actually called the man who fired him and asks if he could use him as a reference for his next job interview… THAT’S going to go over well…

Interviewer: Hi, tell me a little something about “Bob”
Matt: Well…. We fired “Bob” for poor performance and basic douche-baggery. Also, he once asked what the area code was for 911 (and I’m not making that up).
Interviewer: Great. Thanks.
Bob: So did I get the job??

But there is a happy ending to this story. Bob has found another job, and we’re all happy for him. He is now the lead design engineer at Boeing in charge of securing the wings to the fuselage.

Happy flying!